ART : ‘Shaman’ ~ Susan Seddon Boulet
On Withholding and Transparency – Part 2/2
(Continued from Part One.)
Is protecting myself so important as to have a value higher than truth and transparency? I don’t think so. I think this is one of the biggest contributors of the trouble we keep on creating with these sorts of choices as individuals and as a global community.
The releasing of all the reasons not to be authentic and transparent, and the releasing of all secret-keeping was a part of the agreement I made with myself in order to recover and move out of drug addiction, misery, and victim consciousness.
If thirty years of keeping secrets and seeing first hand how this doesn’t work hadn’t taken me to the such levels of extremity, perhaps this core issue wouldn’t have popped open for me to see what was needed for me to deal with it in ways that do work.
Here’s a sample of a portion of the shift I had in reasoning during this process.
The reasoning that says one has to fortify oneself behind a wall and ‘not-me’ mask doesn’t take into consideration that from an observer’s point of view all it takes is one look at me to see where the fortification is, and then all know perfectly well where the weak spot is. Those who would wish to attack or to take advantage of this will do so, no matter what one does to avoid it. Rather than being protection, it’s actually creating a target with a big bullseye.
This faulty reasoning also doesn’t take into account that the foundation of such fortifications and protections are built on fear. Since fear is the foundation, it’s not in alignment with the Truth, which is always coming from Love.
The basis of this fear, whatever its face, is the belief that there’s something unlovable and unacceptable here, and the fortification for it, the withholding, is a neon arrow pointing right to it. For any who would wish to attack me, or to take me out of a situation, this sign reads;, here is my broken heart, here is my place out of integrity, the weak place, my death zone, place your arrow here.
What holds such core fears in place in the first place are the ways we’re failing ourselves in giving the unconditional love necessary for our foundation, and instead we’re trying to fortify the lies we hold which are based in fear. It occurred to me, at one point, that doing this was unworthy of all my life energy, and that it was in fact undermining me and my ability to do what I came here to do.
To build this foundation of unconditional love deep inside ourselves is the work we’re called to do and no one else can give us this aspect of Divine Grace. How can they when we are so busy denying ourselves of it, and denying there is a need for it?
When one gets over the fear of coming out with whatever-it-is the fear is supposedly protecting, what ammunition is there left for anyone to use against anyone? Once the whole story is known to all, then the idea of blackmail over it is laughable. Who will you tell? I’ve already told them.
I have no secrets left, and therefore there’s no need for the fortification, or to squander my energy worrying over the discovery of my weaknesses. The good, the bad, and the ugly is out in the open for all to see and know.
From here, from this foundation of Divine Grace in the form of the unconditional love and acceptance I give to myself, and therefore, seated in truth and transparency; for the first time in my life, I have a chance to begin anew.
Whatever choices I make now are what matters. Many mistakes and mis-alignments have happened, but the magic is in the fact that in every moment there’s an opportunity for me to choose again.
I’m choosing Love. It starts with me. If this is courage, then it is, but I say it’s compassion and I say it’s the remedy for much of what ails us.