I usually hear what Archangel Michel says as having direct applicability to me.
Not because I know it does. Not because I have a persecution complex, am a doormat, or have self-esteem issues. But for the benefit brought by looking at what he says.
This Hour with an Angel, in response to me asking for details, specifics, etc., he talked about inner peace and the need to let go of core issues like disappointment.
He actually said “disillusionment,” but that didn’t fit. The nearest relative was disappointment and that did. (1)
I’ve taken his words into myself, asked if disappointment is a core issue for me, and looked – for the value processing might bring.
And right away I’m particularly struck by something AAM said in my last reading with him. I asked him if I’d integrated all my aspects (past lives) and he said one of my ancestors (my term for my past lives is “ancestors”) (2) has not come in. Apparently I’m resisting him.
I now see that I’m resisting him because of the issue of disappointment. I fear that welcoming him in means welcoming the issue of disappointment into my life.
The ancestor won a major battle but lost the war. He did so because he didn’t press his advantage home and slaughter the remnants of his enemy, including their city-state, the way his enemy would have slaughtered his (and eventually did).
When he had the winning hand, he felt enough bloodshed was enough and turned to negotiations, which went nowhere.
The very next moment I saw that disappointment is already in my life, has been since forever, and actually does drive me in many ways.
His disappointment lay in the fact that his approach was considered a failure in the end.
When I look, I see that my disappointment has been a continuing theme in my life because of a position I’m in.
I’ve spoken to so many of you who are in the same position. I now see it as a function of who is here.
Apparently I was born with a runaway intellect. When a consultant tried to measure my IQ, he ran out of tests and gave up.
The earliest disappointment in my life was that no one understood me; my language was polysyllabic in construction and latinate in diction.
No one understood why I was constantly reading or why I was reading what I was reading. I felt alone.
That just increased with age.
All this time I assumed that I was broken in some way and needed repair. I gradually became withdrawn – a hermit, a lone wolf – for various reasons, but disappointment was one of them.
This isn’t a sob story. This is processing.
Now, as an adult, I can see that I was allowed to bring my intellect into this lifetime and it carried penalties and disadvantages that I was expected to weather. (And I hope I have.)
So I’m going to tell the younger lad, Little Steve, who was consumed with disappointment all his life until he gave up hoping, what it was all about. This is me rewriting my story.
Do I know if any of it is true? No, I don’t. But what the heck? I made the other one up anyways. Here’s the new story I’m making up.
Little Steve, your pre-birth soul agreement was to serve in this Ascension as a writer. You agreed to go up slowly with everyone else, writing about it as you went.
You were given the tools of a writer: an insatiable thirst for knowledge, a robust intellect with which to process what you find, and the courage to explore new frontiers, open new doors, and walk new paths.
You were told that it would be a lonely life for a very long time and then a busy life for a long time after that. Your mission was to stay the course and comment along the way.
The value of your service is that others may recognize within themselves what you’re discussing. Others may feel reassurance that they’re not somehow insane or alone. Others may find the doorway to their own missions as a result of your explorations.
This position carries with it challenges: ridicule, poverty, loneliness. But if you succeed, you have the opportunity to serve millions, Ascension and the future.
So far you’ve chosen to complain about these matters. Now that you’re aware that you knew about these challenges beforehand and agreed to them and now that you know what the value of the work is, do you wish to rechoose how you see the matter?
Yes. I choose to see the matter as you described it, Big Steve.
And what about the issue of disappointment itself? Given that you know that the totality of your reward comes from the Divine Mother and that only something that does is worth having, can you release your disappointment with anything that happens in the future?
Is there any charge left on this issue? Anything more to process?
Great. What is the principle that you’ll invoke when you feel disappointment rise again?
That I am serving the Divine Mother’s Plan and that it involves enduring a certain amount of ridicule, poverty, and loneliness. That the reward for my efforts comes later and it comes from the Divine Mother.
The presence of factors in my life like ridicule, etc., are not a sign that I’m abandoned or have been defeated. If anything, they testify to me being in the thick of things. They tell me that it’s now time to make my contribution.
Nothing else remains. No residue, no leftover feelings.
Good job. We’re complete. Go out and enjoy the sunny day.
(2) “Who are My Ancestors? Who are My Children?” Dec. 23, 2006, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/spiritual-essays/the-game-of-life/who-are-my-ancestors-who-are-my-children/.