I’ve just been through an incredible healing, which doesn’t surprise me. My life seems to have speeded up incredibly.
It’s as if I get one piece of my own puzzle every day and each piece leads to more growth.
I’m going to walk you through the healing scenario, but first I need you to know the background.
I used to call myself the Humpty Dumpty Man because…. Well, let me excerpt from an article on the subject.
This is critical background to the healing that happened because the healing saw Humpty’s reconstitution taken a big step further. From “What Changes Can Be Seen?” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2015/07/05/what-changes-can-be-seen/
When my Dad shouted at me from just an inch or two from my face when I was somewhere around 7 or 8, I shattered into a million pieces.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I dissociated. The predominant result was that I had no solidity, no firm ground to stand on and hence no confidence.
I interpreted my weak will as being a result of fear. But it was a result of the [Humpty Dumpty] dissociation.
I didn’t learn that I was dissociated until I was 40, in 1986. At that time, my then girlfriend said to me that I had the profile of an abused child.
At that remark, the two dissociated facets of my personality leapt forward and both said “Yes!”
They noticed each other for the first time and both said to the other: “Who are you?”
One side of my personality was the public side and one the private. When I was alone by myself, the private side would emerge. It was bitter, resentful, guarded, critical, skeptical, etc. (1)
The other was the public side and it was helpful, happy, gung ho, ungrounded, prone to mood swings, devil may care, etc.
They’d finally met. And when they did there was an explosion of rage.
I remember being so angry at my Dad that I phoned him on the spot and was going to yell at him (payback time?), but his girlfriend prevented me from speaking to him. Which was pretty fortunate.
There followed two or three weeks of being an erupting volcano, anger spewing out of me. And finally I settled down.
I was now aware of the two sides of me but it would be another twenty years before I was to fuse the two back together again.
I called myself the Humpty Dumpty Man after I knew what had happened. I did twenty-three Enlightenment Intensives to try to heal the breach and nothing worked.
I’m sure a lot of the debris got cleared away but still no one could put Humpty together again.
And then one day in around 2006, I was talking to my brother, Paul, who is a family therapist, after having just about gotten into a car accident because of a totally-reckless attitude on my part, that we traced it back to things with Dad. My brother let me wax white hot in my screams and protests.
And in that moment, I fused again. I was 57 years old.
Now, in the next part, let’s fast forward to the present.
(Continued in Part 2.)
(1) It’s definitely the grumpy side of me that I described in “Popping Like Popcorn – Part 1/2” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/?p=278954 and “Popping Like Popcorn – Part 2/2” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/?p=279000