Putting Humpty Together Again – Part 3/3 – Steve Beckow @ Golden Age of Gaia

Humpty 11

Putting Humpty Together Again – Part 3/3

The next day I was still exploring determination in my journal … when suddenly the penny dropped.

We pick up the thread.

I’m not talking about a goosestepping, maniacal, ego-driven determination to command others, etc.

I’m talking about the resuscitation of our ability to stand on our own word, on our own two feet, and stand by that word in the ensuing action. I mean the recovery of self-command and personal responsibility.

A friend I spoke to today called it “emerging.” Definitely. Standing forth as one’s self. Finding that self through asserting it, calling it forth. Living as your word. And emerging from the shell of indecision, divided mind, and hesitation.

I just know this is part of my mission, to resuscitate our in-touchness with that hidden side of ourselves, the self that needs to emerge, to stand forth. Courage, fearlessness, but also persistence are part of this cast of mind.

Determination is an exercise of the will. The will in turn is the active phase of the soul. The will is the one thing I don’t think we’ve developed as much as we might want to. Collective will shows up as missing in our societies.

As soon as I’m determined, I notice all doubts are resolved and the ranks are closed. I’m enjoying this experience.

And then the penny dropped.

Wait a minute. … I just had a realization.

What am I thinking of? Who is it that likes the feeling of solidity that comes with feeling determined? Who is it that wants to take a turn at driving the car when determination arises?

The Humpty Dumpty Man. The man who lived thirty years of his life dissociated, having fractured into a thousand pieces. The man who lived another eighteen after that, trying to put Humpty together again.

Humpty came back together again. But he lacked a leader. He was an unemployed, healed and formerly-dissociated person. Psychologically he was idle.

No wonder determination feels so good. I’ve never had anyone around who was determined. There was never anyone in the driver’s seat.

Or perhaps there were too many anyones, none of them commanding … what? There was no me.

I’m in motion again, thanks to this increasing familiarity with my will, which becomes most visible to me at times of strong determination.

Being determined is for me like galloping a horse. It’s like driving a Jaguar XKE on open prairie as fast as I can. Top down. Cloudless day. It harnesses some part of me that hasn’t been alive and awake for … a very long time.

This is the healing of another vasana and another deep psychological wound.

At this point I became a more integrated person, also capable of expressing it into the outside world.  If you knew me decades ago, when my will was divided and I lacked strong determination, you wouldn’t recognize the “me” that’s here today.

So I want to acknowledge this as … not the end, not the beginning of the end, but the end of the beginning (1) of a long journey to put Humpty together again.  I can do the rest now. I can take over from here. There’s an “I” around to lead.

Whenever I point out to AAM that nothing tangible has happened yet over the broad spectrum of promised events, he draws my attention inwards and says, words to the effect of, are you the same person you were a couple of years ago? And no, I’m not.

I’m strong and substantial, loving and determined.

It’s pretty clear to me, and AAM has acknowledged it in direct and indirect statements, that you and I (lightworkers) are experimental subjects, shall we say? Our lives are often fast-tracked to provide examples for the rest of society to imitate or follow.  Sometimes we go through incredible suffering to come back and tell the world what that’s like and that it must stop.

So the fact that I’m in bliss one moment and not the next, or barreling through the remaining vasanas (if that’s what’s happening) doesn’t surprise me – anymore. This is the life of an experimental subject.

Today they’re putting me through my paces, having me heal wounds that have been affecting me since age seven.  Tomorrow, it may be you.

Where is it all leading? I don’t know. Our sources tell us: To ascension.


(1) “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” (Winston Churchill at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/winstonchu163144.html)

Putting Humpty Together Again – Part 3/3

Putting Humpty Together Again – Part 2/3 – Steve Beckow @ Golden Age of Gaia


ART modern mother and child

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Putting Humpty Together Again – Part 2/3

By age 57 I had become one again. But this one was leaning against a wall, playing cards with the boys, shooting the breeze. It lacked a leader. There was no one driving the car.

Now I pick up the story as of yesterday.

While the subject of determination had been buzzing around in the background of my consciousness for around two months – since the prostate operation – I had no idea of its significance.

It’s significance is that determination is an action of the will.

What I’m about to describe here is a person finding his own will, his own determination. It’s Humpty Dumpty whole again but without a will and a leader. Unmotivated and ineffective. Except in writing.

Now enter the leader. Not like I could have seen this looking forward, only looking backward.

These are notes from my journal. The issue is phrased as wanting to allow determination out. What in fact is emerging is my will, my capacity to motivate and lead myself to decisive action.

I’m staring at something that’s so obvious when seen but so difficult to see when one is unaware of it.

I’m seeing that I lack purity, singularity, singleness of purpose. I lack an undivided will.

I allow myself the space and permission to complain, bitch, moan, and grumble.  And then I justify it and create a self-serving story around it.

This is not the description of a life. This is the description of a cardboard cut-out.

How could I allow myself to be serving such a wonderful cause and hold myself back by bitching, groaning, and complaining? How could I have done this to myself?

I just lost my willingness to support my own act. I’ve grown impatient with people on the street for breaking all the rules (1) and now that impatience has extended to me.  That’s its proper place anyways.

I’m not going to get unbalanced with this. That would serve no purpose. But I’m going to begin exploring single-minded determination.

So that’s why I watched so many videos of Winston Churchill while I was sick! I just felt drawn to them. There never was anyone as single-minded as Churchill. AAM says that he was born for the task of standing up to the Nazis and born with the knowing that he could do it.

Archangel Michael: [Churchill] had chosen to incarnate to do that very job and to be the bulwark against which much evil could come up against.

Steve: How did he know he could do it?

AAM: He was born knowing. (2)

I thrill to his speeches as much as everyone did at the time or later. (3)

I feel as if the determination inside me wants to be let out. It seems to want to canter and gallop. Why am I hesitating and why am I waffling?

And why am I so happy to see the arrival of strong determination? What was it that was lacking before?

At that moment, it hadn’t dawned on me that I was transitioning from having a lifelong weak and divided will to having a strong and unified will and that that was a vital chapter in putting Humpty together again.

And then it dawned on me…

(Concluded in Part 3.)


(1) as described in “Popping Like Popcorn – Part 1/2” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/?p=278954 and “Popping Like Popcorn – Part 2/2” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/?p=279000

(2) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, July 1, 2016. Used with permission.

(3) In fact, when I was studying to be a writer, a workshop leader asked us to begin typing out pages from our favorite writer or orator. I chose Churchill and typed out long passages from his History of the English-Speaking Peoples.


ART modern mother and child

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Putting Humpty Together Again – Part 2/3


Gradually Ascending – Steve Beckow @ Golden Age of Gaia

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Gradually Ascending

 Again, this is part of my ascension ethnography.

I’ve talked about the breakthroughs. But there are also bothersome conditions and embarrassing situations.

For instance, I’ve lost my memory. About as totally as I can imagine and still be functioning.

I guess I mean a certain kind of memory because I can still write. It’s become so bad that, if someone wants to have lunch with me, I have to ask them to call me the morning of.

I had a running joke with a conference-call participant. I warned him that I absolutely could not be trusted to remember to place the call at 2:00.  At 2 minutes to 2, I forgot. And I remembered with 15 seconds to spare. It was a hoot.

Today, I locked my shoulder bag in my garage. I forgot it was not outside, but inside.  As I shut the lock, I immediately sensed that something was missing and had just been locked inside.

And my cognitive skills in finding an appropriate solution were … well, Third-Dimensionally-impaired. I fumbled around. It was if I was a stranger in a strange land. I’ve forgotten all the stuff I knew about mechanical repairs, or quite a bit of other once-useful information. My mind is rapidly becoming a blank slate.

AAM once said to me that the Reval had been in the planning for much too long to allow it to go off the rails in some particular. So I’m confident that my memory will return by the time I really need it.

I’m losing touch with the Third Dimension. I know I have to let go. But letting go is challenging.

Certainly, desires hold me back. Desire for the company of certain people whom I love, desire to see the Reval occur, desire to write that one more story in me that burns to be heard and isn’t ready to come out just yet.

But I’m becoming less and less able to operate this 3D body with its 3D programming.

I watch myself eat less and less. I see less and less that I want to eat. I don’t want to go anywhere. I look forward to the time of night when I can lie on my bed and contemplate. I watch myself gradually withdrawing my attention from this world – for a time.

This is the period when mountains are no longer mountains and rivers are no longer rivers. But they’ll become mountains and rivers again.

My mind is ever drifting towards the Divine. The divine qualities, the nature of the Trinity, a world that works, peace, bliss, transformative love. I’m steeped in this conversation and it’s all coming together as a unified whole.

It isn’t as if a war was fought and won. Third Dimensionality is seeping away like the dew on the grass under the risen sun.

In the meantime I’m going to look like Charlie Chaplin. Fumbling around and trying to look competent.

Be kind to someone you see who’s struggling with their Third-Dimensional persona. If there’s a little slippage, a slight out-of-phaseness, they may just be gradually ascending.


buddhas blue

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Gradually Ascending

Secret Methods for Healing – Altair Shyam






Amazing such an amazing meditation.

I connected directly with the Fifth Dalai Lama and the Light of Healing.

Here is how it happened.

In the meditation I was taken straight back into the life of Tenzin and this time I was at the Sacred Nalanda Mahavihara Library in India doing research for the Fifth Dalai Lama into the Secret Methods of Healing, reading the 2nd Dalai Lama’s notes on manifestation of amrita and the Wheels of Dharma and ‘Song to A Female Bodhisattva’, one of the 28 texts.

I saw all the details, was able to open the book to the one hundred and forty sixth page and read the vision therein, which I describe below, which also connected me to Tareth and his manifestation of divine oil with me, Chenrezig/Avalokiteshvara and the miracles of the Lotus, Mary, Mother of James the Lesser and her Light Work with Yeshua and St Therese of Lisieux and the flowers which rained down from heaven at her death.

This took me directly to The Continuum I experienced where I took the Bodhisattva vow from Maitreya and have continued it over so many lives. I was able some years ago to feel the lives I had devoted myself to, one after the other, on this world and many worlds, for the liberation of all beings.

Here is the vision itself, as confirmed by the 5th Dalai Lama.

He was the most mystical of the Dalai Lamas, spending most of his time in trance.

During trance, gurus of the past, Buddhas and Bodhisattvas would appear to him and give him secret transmissions, initiations and teachings.

We are experiencing that directly with great blessings ourselves.

1,000-Arm Avalokiteshvara (Tib, Chenrezig) statue, Maitripa College Jokhang, Portland, OR. Photo by Marc Sakamoto ART

1,000-Arm Avalokiteshvara (Tib, Chenrezig) statue, Maitripa College Jokhang, Portland, OR. Photo by Marc Sakamoto


This is from ‘Secret Methods for Healing’

“During the ritual when the life energies of the five Buddha families were being summoned, light rays suddenly burst forth from the heart of His Guru. The tips of the rays bore the five Buddhas and the five dakinis (Sky-Goer, Tantric Priestess, Deva, Spiritual Muse, Faerie) each in the color of their respective Light Ray. The dakinis were carrying longevity arrows with auspicious threads and as they waved them over the crown of the Fifth Dalai Lama he could actually feel the threads caress his crown…

Suddenly His Lama stood up, spoke the Sacred Words with his hands folded at his heart, “Kye Hoh!” and began the oral transmission of the Light Language.

When His Lama had finished, a stream of nectar flowed forth from the vase in His Guru’s hand. They came to the crown of the Fifth Dalai Lama’s head and entered his body, completely filling it. His central channel became as firm as an iron arrow with red half-vajras at the top and the bottom. These energies continued for an entire day.

The Guru then placed his hand on the Fifth Dalai Lama’s heart, transformed into a ball of light and dissolved into the Fifth Dalai Lama. The Great Bliss and the Void in Union filled his Being.”

I was struck by how I had been led to this place to read this particular passage by Tenzin and how similar this was to my first meeting with Tareth when I manifested divine amrita for eight hours from my hands through Tareth’s initiation, and then some years later was filled with the Diamond Consciousness initiation for an entire day through the grace of Archangel Metatron and Avalokiteshvara/Guan Yin.

I feel so blessed and humbled to share this with you and hope you can find in it all or some energies for inspiration.

Love and blessings

Altair and Mother

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