In life after constant self-criticism, I’m finding a whole new cast of characters comes on the scene.
Cheerleader, cheering me on. Explorer, ready to go out and take it all in. Observer, able to just sit here quietly and feel myself.
I’m breathing up love much more freely than I was before – noticeably more freely. Obviously some blockage has been removed.
If constant critic has departed (and it would be up to me if it has or not, depending on which wolf I feed) never to return, and this were the space I ended up in as a result, I’d be quite pleased.
I see clearly that constant critic was rooted in fear – Fear of poverty, fear of homelessness, fear of extinction, on and on the fears go.
This space that I’ve ended up in does not feature fear. No, once again I’ve ended up in transformative love.
I’ve now ended up in this space by emerging from the unwanted experience of the following: shame, worry, fear, criticism. When I’ve entered the following spaces as contexts, I ended up in transformative love as well: abundance and mastery. All experiences have culminated in transformative or higher-dimensional love.
Once in that space of higher-dimensional love, it’s absolutely up to me whether I pay attention to it or treat it as a passing feeling and take my attention away from it. If I give it my wholehearted attention, the love grows exponentially. (As the Mother once said of it.) If we don’t attend to it, it flows on outside our awareness.
What was it about constant critic that had its appearance prevent me from experiencing transformative love? I can’t claim to know, but it appears to have been a solid obstacle in the way.
Now I’m going to bathe myself in love, to heal the ancient wounds of self-criticism.
I allow love to fill me up on the inbreath (creation). I hold it for a while (preservation). And I send it out to the world on the outbreath (transformation).