I think the biggest change I see in myself … well, there are two, really.
The first is that I’m moving from the intellectual to the experiential level of life. Sort of getting up and moving house.
I hear myself saying, after St. Francis: “Words, Bernardo, words. Once I believed them.” (1)
And I’m beginning to feel that way. Words, words, words – I don’t care how wise they are. I want more than just words.
I want experience. I want to feel deeply and divinely. I want the ambrosia of bliss. I want the nectar of transformative love.
It’s been so hard to bring myself to acknowledge this. But it’s true. I want the experiential life now, as I knew it years ago. I want more from life than mere ideas.
The second is that I’m going inward. The monk in me is asserting itself.
Michael said that he was clearing the space around me and that seems very true. (2)
In the background relationships and obligations are changing, with a rather dramatic suddenness. But all of it makes sense.
It’s almost as if someone is saying, “Places, everyone. Cameras. And action,” leaving us alone with our thoughts.
In some instances, dependencies have been broken. But even so, I feel OK.
I have enough guidance from my readings to do the jobs I’ve been asked to do. And I feel ready.
So from now until the Reval, I find myself in this incredibly-valuable time of stillness, silence, space.
I feel no draw to fill the space up again.
Instead I feel drawn, for the first time in years, to meditate, to go inwards, to experience myself as deeply as I possibly can.
(1) St. Francis to the returning crusader, Bernardo di Quintavalle in Brother Sun, Sister Moon.
(2) “One of the things you have done with your consent …, has been this clearing up the space around you.” (Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, May 2, 2018.)