I notice that some vasanas I have are resurfacing and doing so with much greater intensity than before.
I should add that I attribute everything significant that happens in my interior these days to Ascension.
So when I found myself in a spate of line rage recently, I just allowed myself to feel it and remove myself before I opened my mouth. Well, OK, a few words were exchanged!
At this moment, I’m busy creating upsets around line-ups for the bus, the bank, Starbucks, you name it. Out of the blue this anger over being kept waiting or people jumping lines has arisen.
If I didn’t know that it was an Ascension-related symptom, I’d put myself in line-rage rehab. But I know I’m being squeezed like a rag. And by rights, I should get squeezed silently. But that’s not the job.
As all of this is taking place, I’m also, as you know, filling myself with love, drawn up from my thinly-open heart. And the minute I do so – and I’m talking about transformative love and not the usual emotion we think of as love – all my cares and anxieties are swept away. No more line rage.
When I sit down to meditate, at whatever the hour, and begin to draw love up from my heart to circulate around myself, I feel it sweep the anxiety from my mind. Gone is all memory of or connection with anything negative, dark, or violent.
It’s not the torrent or tsunami it was, but it’s enough to transform my state of being from anxiety-ridden to loving-kind.
I don’t know why I haven’t seen the fact that I don’t actively love myself. I haven’t seen it for all of my life until now.
Before March 15, 2015, I didn’t know love, either. A whole lifetime – three-score years and ten – without knowing love or actually loving myself. Can you imagine? And yet I don’t think I’m alone.
This pace of discovery and learning in terms of human evolution might suit a snails. At this rate, without the energies intensifying, I might call this at best an “interesting” life. I learned two major things in it and kicked the bucket.
But the relaxation of the door of the heart, which Easterners call the hridayam, changed all that. (And remember that the planet is in a gradual heart opening at this very moment.)
The torrent of love – the inner tsunami of love – that flowed when that experience was brand new swept away all impurities and left me in an Ocean of Love. The Mother, the original puzzlemaker, is hinting at that when she calls herself “Mary, Maré, the Mother.” Maré is the Latin word for Ocean. (1)
There was also a second experience that was a game-changer for me. This second experience inspired me.
It’s only a memory for me now but I stood there one day, gazing at my Higher Self – an experience that only lasted perhaps a minute or so.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It really does work out in the final reel.
I didn’t say much about the experience back then. I mentioned it, but did not say what I saw. I still can’t bring myself to talk about it. (2)
The point is that I experienced my own native purity, my Sahaja or natural state, my Higher Self or what I came to call the Natural Self. Certainly any dimensions beyond my everyday consciousness.
You’d think that that’d be enough to smarten me up completely.I think we’re going through a temporary period in which more vasanas are being raised by the influx of energy.
On the other side of it, we’ll just get more and more able to handle everyday life. For now I’m in the thick of residual vasanas bubbling up and sometimes exploding. Chaos inside, chaos outside. I need to be the watcher with it and send it off to the Mother.
The Natural Self that I saw is the same for everyone. I’m not alone in this.
My Higher Self exists at a vibration where your Higher Self exists as well. To them they are One; to us they are two.
You’ve heard the masters say that, if we knew who was here, we’d be awestruck. I agree. We’d be awestruck. I can personally testify to that.
(1) Mary refers to Mary, Mother of Jesus. Mary was a direction incarnation, or avatar, of the Divine Mother herself (also known as the Holy Spirit/spiritus sancti, Mahashakti, Hagia Sophia/Ancient Wisdom, etc.). All avatars are incarnations of the Mother, but Mary was so in a more intense and direct way, I’m given to understand.
(2) I’m still deeply affected by the ridicule I’ve accumulated by writing about subjects on the frontiers of knowledge all my life. I don’t want to open myself to it on a subject so sacred.