Reasons Why People Are Unhappy – Part 3 of 4 – Caroline Myss

Linger in the Shadows art by Christian Schloe

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Reasons Why People Are Unhappy

From Caroline’s 2012 Salon – Part 3 of 4
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Entitlements… I could write a book on this one topic alone. I’ve met more people drowning in their misery because of feelings of entitlement than I can count. Entitlements include: inheritance, apologies, real estate, promotions, raises, bonuses, special seating arrangements, invitations to events, the list goes on and on. And then there is the belief that you are entitled to: respect, privilege, attention, the position of first in line, the best seat in the house or the front row, special attention because you were a Wounded Child or have some other suffering history.

Divine entitlements include: The belief that bad things won’t happen to you because you are a good person; You don’t get sick, other’s do; Your child is special, therefore, ordinary events such as accidents and illnesses will never happen to your child; You are entitled to special protection from your God because, well, because you were born for something special – you just know it.

Sound familiar? Not only do these entitlements have a formidable influence upon a person’s life; they have the power to exert complete control over an individual’s life. Entitlements are not just destructive; they are made-up. They are extensions of our ego that we indulge in to create a landscape of power and protection around ourselves, maintaining the illusion that we are anything but ordinary. After all, ordinary people are not entitled to anything. One has to be extraordinary to be entitled, right?

A guaranteed recipe for unhappiness: A long list of entitlements.

Having an aggressive attitude about aging

If that’s you, knock it off. Seriously? Either you love being alive – which includes the natural process of aging – or you don’t. You decide.

Being a Taker
You will fit one of the two following sentences:

The Taker: What I want out of life is…
Takers do exactly that – they Take. They unconsciously view life as something to get something from. Often motivated by greed, Takers find it difficult to embrace the view that life is an integrated ecosystem and that Earth is a living creature. Takers walk into a relationship and situation with this mindset, “What’s in this for me?” Takers are easily disappointed in life and in relationships. Often they expect “life” to produce something for them, effortlessly.

The Giver: What I would like to contribute to life is…
Givers strive to make a difference in the lives of others. Meaning and purpose are gravity centers for them. They look for possibilities and strive to make things happen. Givers tend to be optimistic about life and they instinctively know how to rise from the ashes. Givers stand a much greater chance at creating a happy life.

You decide which one you are.

Needing someone to make you happy
I’ve heard many people say, “I need someone to make me happy,” or “He doesn’t make me happy.” No one can make anyone happy any more than you can make someone fall in love with you, or make someone forgive you. Waiting for another person to make your life perfect is the kiss of death. Let’s say you find someone and you think, “Finally, I found someone who was born specifically to make me and only me happy, hmmm, I wonder if he/she knows that? Do I tell him?” And so the story goes. If this isn’t a recipe for raging insecurity, I don’t know what is. But it surely isn’t the secret to a long and happy life.

All Talk and No Action
You cannot talk your way into becoming a happy individual. Happiness is hard work. Becoming anything worthwhile takes effort. Couch sitters are likely to stay exactly that – people who “sit” their life away. Depression comes upon them naturally, not because of chemicals in their body but because of dwelling on themselves and their problems over and over again and doing nothing about them. Problems inherently seek solutions. Nouns seek verbs. Same thing. Talking eventually requires decisive action. Think, talk, act. The absence of action in your life will always lead to depression and unhappiness. It cannot be otherwise.

https://www.myss.com/about-caroline-myss/

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Linger in the Shadows art by Christian Schloe

Gratitude & Appreciation to all artists ~ Credit given where this is known. Any queries, please contact me, Shekinah  

Two Words for It: Just Stop! – Steve Beckow

Buddha ~ Mixed media art Samui Art Gallery, Koh Samui, Thailand

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Two Words for It: Just Stop!

I went through an amazing process this morning. And I went through it sitting at my computer, in the midst of writing something else.

I switched over and began recording my thoughts after each had happened. The results were quite remarkable for me.

I’m in the course of writing an article and I got up off my chair to get something.

As I did so I felt random fear. In the background of my consciousness but always there.

Big Steve slid into the driver’s seat and said to Little Steve, in the most affectionate tones: “Don’t be afraid, Steve.”

Little Steve is my Wounded Child and Big Steve is my Adult, my Higher Self. Neither is my everyday consciousness (1) but either can take control of it and be in the driver’s seat for a time.

You’re watching my Adult mend the wounds of my Wounded Child. Only “I” can do this and this is it happening: Reparenting in progress. Neurosurgery.

I (Little Steve, Wounded Child) was so glad to be reassured by someone.  I found myself relaxing from an undetected but constant background state of fear that I’ve been living in since forever. Peace returned. Or, more precisely: I returned to peace.

Almost immediately, I had a second thought:  I can no longer afford a hateful thought.  Where it came from I don’t know. But perhaps a hateful thought is what brings conflict, after which I live in fear. Perhaps they’re all connected. That would make sense to me.

And the answer to having a hateful thought was, once it was noticed, just stop. Again where this answer came from I know not.

Just stop.

That’s the solution to all our negative thoughts and actions, is it not?

Have we as a society lost our self-control mechanism? Our suppression button altogether? Have the many massacres engineered by the dark side to discourage us caused us to give up hope?

Supposing you have that thought. Then, just stop. Let it go. Experience any feelings that come up, which is the equivalent of saying “listen” to them, and let them go as well. And drop any ideas of hateful action. (2)

The default you fall back into ends up in original innocence so you’ve nothing to fear from letting negative thoughts go.

Hard-core reparenting. Emotional boot camp for myself, intransigent kamikaze that I’ve been.

I paused and looked back on what had just happened. I noticed how contrived it all was.

I was the one creating the hate and fear – Little Steve, my Wounded Child – and I was the only one capable of taking it away – Big Steve, my Adult, my Higher Self.

Am I not the sorcerer’s apprentice? Can anyone trust me with the creative wand after all the hate and fear I’ve created for myself? Maybe not.

Has not the entire population of this planet become a collective sorcerer’s apprentice in a way?

Let’s look at one collective item only: Take the islands of plastic garbage floating on the high seas, washing up on islands like the Cocos, and being found in the Challenger Deep (is nowhere too deep?)? Are we all not implicated?

Have we not run amok in many fields as a human race – pharmaceuticals, drugs, GMOs, pesticides, toxic vaccines, chemtrails, deforestation, weather warfare, etc.?

And the answer for all of it is? In my view? Just stop.

Footnotes

(1) I know. I know. That IS the Self.

(2) The Buddha: Do only wholesome actions; refrain from unwholesome actions; and purify the mind.

http://goldenageofgaia.com/2019/05/24/two-words-for-it-just-stop/

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Gratitude & Appreciation to all artists & photographers ~ Credit given where this is known. Any queries, please contact me, Shekinah

Buddha ~ Mixed media art Samui Art Gallery, Koh Samui, Thailand

Happiness as a Force of Nature – Part 2 of 4 – Caroline Myss

Artist Wendy Ng

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Happiness as a Force of Nature

From Caroline’s 2012 Salon – Part 2 of 4

We have given a name to an organic force of Nature that we recognize has a certain quality to it that results in states of bliss when we are in harmony with it. We call that force “happiness.” I am not surprised people find “happiness” difficult to define for exactly this reason – the elements are rooted in an organic life force. Here’s an example of what I am talking about: We are happy – if not happiest – when we are living in harmony with our inner nature. We feel most content, most balanced when the choices we make reflect our true feelings. We feel honest and clear. We are not hiding secrets from anyone, we are not betraying ourselves, we are comfortable speaking honestly when in discussions (not about wounds, just about life), and we feel openly and generously loving toward others. Feelings of insecurity such as, “Am I loved as much?” do not enter your mind. You are confident about being loved and loving – not in return, just loving because of the quality of person you are.

At the core of this life philosophy is a deep understanding that you are a part of Nature and you reside within the cycles and laws of Nature. You, and everyone else, are therefore subject to the on-going cycles of life: Death and Rebirth; Gain and Loss; Joy and Grief; Feast and Famine; Bonding and Abandonment.

Further, as a human being, it is a given that you will age and experience the breakdown of your physical form. Responding to aging as if it were the enemy of your physical body is a guarantee of misery.

During your life, you will experience betrayal, both as someone who will betray others and be betrayed by others. You will lie to others and others will lie you to. You will judge others unjustly and you will be judged unjustly. You will hold onto grudges and others will not forgive you. You will be introduced to strangers to love and strangers will fall in love with you. You will be saved miraculously from harm many times, sometimes knowingly – most times invisibly. You will be guided to be certain places on time. Sometimes those places include accidents. Other times you will meet future partners and best friends. And when the time comes, you will be called home, ending the journey of your physical life on Earth.

There is nothing personal about these cycles of life or these experiences. They are archetypal. That is, they are essential ingredients that make up the alchemy of the human character. These ingredients make us the same, and vulnerable to each other. They tie us together like invisible threads through our weakest links so that we may stand humbly before each other. One of the roots of unhappiness is telling yourself that you are better than others, that you do not do what others do, or that you are incapable of their negative actions. No you’re not. None of us is incapable of any negative action because we are all made up of the same ingredients.

When we tell ourselves we are better than others, then we begin to believe that we are separate from Nature itself and the cycles of Nature. We begin to tell ourselves nonsense like, “The cycles of Nature do not apply to us because we are special. We are not like those people.” And soon we begin to feel entitled. We tell ourselves that because we are special, we are entitled to protection from the cycles of Nature, such as: Death and Rebirth and Abandonment and Bonding and Feast and Famine. In fact, pretty soon, we start believing we can strike up our own bargains with God. Here’s a popular one: If I am a good person and do everything right, nothing bad will happen to me. After all, I’m special and entitled.

Separated from the cycles of Nature and armed with a head full of self-constructed mythologies, off you go into a made-up world that doesn’t really exist – except in your own mind. Your happiness becomes based upon these myths holding intact, all of them built upon illusion, as Buddha would say. Inevitably, of course, one of those cycles and one or two of those experiences will manifest, shattering this fantasy. (This is usually the point at which people ask, “What kind of God does this to people?”) Perhaps a betrayal erupts in a marriage or maybe a sudden job loss happens. There is no shortage of examples of how the cycles of life express themselves in our lives.

Recently a dear friend of mine experienced the loss of her home, her business, and her sister. She went through – and is still transitioning through – a heartbreaking cycle of death and rebirth. Though her grief continues to pulse in her heart, signs of rebirth are beginning to emerge around her, as that is Nature’s way. She can’t help but think, “I need to move on now.” Indeed. “I’ve had a few ideas about doing this and that.” Oddly, I’m not surprised. It takes time, but Rebirth is inevitable.

Let me add that she certainly recognized there was nothing personal about this trilogy of death events; that is, she did not make her sister’s death her death. Her sister’s death was not about her; it was about her sister, obviously. It was synchronistic to many other endings in her life, and noting that, she recognized that she was deep within the cycle of endings/death and new beginnings/rebirth. In other words, this was the Nature of life.

I am convinced that people cannot articulate their ideas about happiness because they are completely dissociated from its very mechanism, which is Nature itself. Not understanding how you belong to and are subject to the way life works, you have no alternative but to make up your own story, your own mythologies, and hope they work. You will shy away from people who threaten your “happiness” myths, and you will perform all sorts of silly incantations and heel- clicking, hoping to instantly transform your life into a happy zone. None of that will ever be more than a kick-fix – ever. Listening to music and talking with your friends will never, ever have the power to create a happy life. (Who believes that stuff???)

https://www.myss.com/about-caroline-myss/
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Artist Wendy Ng

Gratitude & Appreciation to all artists ~ Credit given where this is known. Any queries, please contact me, Shekinah