From observing myself, I’m becoming convinced that the most important factor in how I feel, how my health is generally, and how I feel about myself is how I see myself.
I’ve sifted through everything – thoughts, feelings, vasanas, patterns, and interests – and what I see as the prime architect (1) of every action is just that – how I see myself and what I do with what I think I see.
If I see myself as a “lazy no-good good-for-nothing,” then my whole life is skewed thereby.
If I see myself as pure and innocent, as we all are at essence, then my life takes a different direction.
In intergenerational transfer, we imbibe some of the attitudes of our parents. I feared that my parenting attitudes would all come,holus bolus, from my Dad and so I didn’t want to be a father.
All of this was happening way below conscious awareness but the battle raged on between me and my Dad for decades. Always I was proving him wrong: “I am not a lazy, no-good good-for-nothing.”
Many of our issues – vasanas, patterns, and even interests – are also subject to intergenerational transfer.
Then there’s the slice that I created newly. My vasanas, mypatterns, my interests. I start owning it. Reparenting is my latest strategy to ease myself out of those.
I’ve been working away at that, again, for decades.
But all of these are so many news stories of a life. Read all about it. Steve still battling with his Dad. Blames all on Father.
We all know that news stories change every day. If we want to stop the stream of them, we need to look behind them and find the one who is pulling the strings, the puppet master, the creator of the stories.
We use the word “ego” to refer to a cluster of things. I’m going to choose a different way of referring to it, calling it a quality of mind – the survival instinct of a mind convinced that it is only material, subject to death, alone in a competitive, cut-throat world, etc. As the Buddhists do, let me name it “worried” mind.
My worried mind thrives on conflict because it sees itself coming out on top. This is its coping mechanism or survival strategy.
It has no hesitation in criticizing me – whether the last generation did so or not is not a consideration. It does so to spur me to action.
It sees things from a Social-Darwinist perspective: Life is a struggle for existence in which only the fittest survive. Wealth betokens fitness.
It also sees them from an Empirical-Materialist perspective: Life is only what we see, hear, touch, taste, etc. If we cannot detect life in this way, what we’re conceiving doesn’t exist. So goodbye archangels, galactics, and the Internet. (2)
In this case, the news story – the issue – is me blaming Dad for all my ills. The next moment it may be my poor performance in this area over here. The puppet master pulls one string after another and sees what develops.
It engages in a self-serving dance aimed at ensuring its own survival in a competitive and worrisome world. What it gets from the dance is reassurance of its own survival: someone is protecting me; I have enough money to get by; I’ve come out on top, etc.
It’s that puppet master that we need to notice. Not in a critical way. (Been there. Done that.)
But in a loving way. It has, after all, helped keep us alive all these years.
Remember the scene in Men in Black, where the man’s face was removed by the coroner, revealing a tiny spaceman inside, just about dead, manipulating all the little levers in the head?
Well, that’s about the situation with the worried mind. Whether it comes early or late, someday we realize all the wasted energy we poured into worrying. And we just let it go. Que sera sera. What will be will be. Just like the little spaceman.
It’s all mythic anyways. I’m not going to die when this body falls away. Give me a break. (3)
This world is not run on competition. That’s what’s brought us to the brink of destruction – mutual, assured, and mad.
It’s run on cooperation.
On and on the myths go, associated with Social Darwinism and Empirical Materialism.
The puppet master can now step down, with a grand round of applause for a job well done, keeping me alive all these years.
Thank you. You’re on vacation. Heaven knows when I might need you again. When judgment has transformed into discernment? (4)
(1) Not prime motivator – that’s how we feel.
(2) A galactic invention, as is the computer you’re reading this on.
(3) See New Maps of Heaven at http://goldengaiadb.com/index.php?title=New_Maps_of_Heaven
(4) Judgement is biased, subjective; discernment is neutral, objective. Judgment is based on values; discernment is based on facts. (This sounds like a strange reversal of Empirical Materialism.)
Judgment is associated with the worrying mind, trying to ensure its own survival by judging others. It is hierarchical and in service to self.
Discernment is based on a soul-level love of fairness and justice and a wish to see it extend throughout the world, in service to others, the collective.
Discerning discussion is in Perro: It’s neutral, shorn of attachment to any interest save establishing the truth.
Discerning decision-making arises out of calm reflection after a review of all the documentary and testimonial facts. It’s aim is to make a compassionate ruling arising out of reflection on the credibly-established facts.