Before I knew what love was, I didn’t know that I didn’t know what love was.
But you know, I think back on the West Coast Express with Kathleen, which was a real highpoint in my life, and I wasn’t able to let the wonder of it all in.
Here we were being supported to go from town to town and meet the family, so to speak, and I, who knew nothing of love then, really got only half the picture – if that.
And I was in complete mystery about what was missing.
What was missing was love, I see years later. At that time in my life I didn’t know what love was.
Longtime readers know that I’m speaking of Fifth-Seventh Dimensional love, real love, my meditation guru used to call it. (1)
He spent a lifetime of service and meditation to know that real love. And here we are and it’s handed to us on a silver platter.
Before I knew what real love was, I always asked myself: Is this all there is? I wanted more like a hungry animal.
As a young academic, I stepped on so many paradigms that I was lucky to leave under my own sail.
There had to be more than dinners at the Faculty Club, more than “publish or perish,” more than the elephant line. (2)
By then, I was finding it impossible to hide the fact that I wanted more in my life. My teeth were chattering: There has to be more than this. Otherwise what am I doing here?
(Continued in Part 2, tomorrow.)
(1) S.N. Goenka.
(2) A young elephant grasps their mother’s tail and follows along in her footsteps, so to speak.
Requiring a Ph.D. student to have 90% of his dissertation be along the same lines as his supervisor’s – which was the conventional wisdom of the times – is like asking them to take hold of his tail and follow him around. I found that too confining.