Never mind forgiving Illuminati and deep-state militarists. I’m having trouble forgiving myself.
I watched myself the other day judging one person after another for things like being overweight, poorly dressed, unsmiling, etc. (I’m making it up; I actually don’t remember my judgments.)
And I can’t say I was feeling grumpy. This was just ordinary me.
And then I watched myself shrinking from real change out of fear of being, myself, judged by others. (As within, so without.)
I feared judgment because I’ve taken to reading Gandhi for inspiration on how to be inclusive and love universally.
I feared that the mere act of reading or repeating Gandhi invited the charge of me being a hypocrite because I don’t live my life as Gandhi did.
Well, no, I don’t live my life as Gandhi did. Not to the slightest extent. Even as I’m reading Gandhi, I’m judging this person and that.
And yes, my actions don’t fit my words. Not by any stretch of the imagination. And it’ll probably be some time before they do. My habits still spring forward and they, to a greater or lesser extent, are often aggressive and egoistic.
My usual practice would be to abandon the reading out of shame and fear.
If I stop myself from making significant changes in my personality out of fear of being judged, how can I blame others who might do the same?
And how would I reform those elements of my character which can’t go forward with me into the New Age if I’m too scared to make the attempt?
If I abandon character reform, how much more must an Illuminati or militarist fear reforming?
Where is the fulcrum that will allow me the leverage I need to reform myself.
When I inquire into that, I see the Mother as the fulcrum of support and validation.
Right now I’m turning to people and other people around me may be as prone to judge and fear being judged as I am. We may all of us be in the same quandary.
The only one I know I can rely on to not be judgmental is the Mother (and the Company of Heaven, of course).
Jack Nicholson is quoted a saying, what makes you think I give a damn about what you think of me? Well, that’s going a bit far.
But if I’m going to tackle character reformation in a deep enough fashion to equip me to break out of judgement and the fear of being judged, I’ll have to let go of my fear of what others think of me.
And for that I need an unimpeachable ally … and the Mother is that for me.
The minute I say that, up comes a fear of being judged for turning to the Mother. The fear never ends.
Nonetheless so much depends on me breaking through to universal love – in the absence of a permanently-open heart – that I must persevere.
I invoke the Divine Mother and the Laws of Intent, Sacred Purpose, and Grace to show me the way through judgment and fearing being judged and the courage to take that path.