Out of Jail at Last – Steve Beckow

Bald Eagle Head by Tommy GK @ DeviantArt

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Out of Jail at Last

I continue to observe the changes within me. Concurrent with feeling happiness for virtually the first time in my life โ€“ within memory โ€“ the other day, I also notice that Iโ€™m wandering around without something.

I was repositioning a picture and, having accomplished something, I found myself waiting for the spoilers to come along and criticize me. And, on top of noticing them in the first place, I also noticed that they didnโ€™t start up on me.

The spoilers are the cacophony of critics, sitting on my shoulder and travelling with me wherever I go. Constant Comment is no longer there.

I feel like someone who wakes up one day to find that the war has ended. The shelling has stopped. Quiet reigns over the battlefield.

So I look deeper. I become aware of an inordinate amount of criticism as a child and the violence with which it was delivered.ย  That memory arises.

Another memory is of being constantly disappointed in something like going on a planned trip. Nope, cancelled at the last moment because Mom and Dad could not get along.

So here I am, the spoilers, the critical lot that travels with me, are not there. And even if I feel annoyed, they still are not triggered and do not return. Is it safe to hope that the whole lot of them have packed up and moved away? Dare I get my hopes up?

Now I notice that I feel tremendously tired of being disappointed. Bringing myself back to life in this area seems a mammoth undertaking. No, leave me alone over here. At least I have only myself to blame. I hear Kathleen saying: โ€œHowโ€™s that working for you?โ€

Not at all.

Iโ€™m cautiously optimistic that my band of critics has departed. Not like I ever foresaw this happening. Iโ€™m as amazed as anyone else.

When the band of critics left, I felt the return of happiness. Interesting.

Iโ€™ll have to explore what itโ€™s like to live life without my band of critics.

Iโ€™m ecstatic. Iโ€™m out of jail at last.

Combine this with the great honor I have of being able to practice happiness over this next, cloudless day. What an honor to be alive and have another day to create in.

Tomorrow I may practice optimism, positivism, the glass half full. Who knows? The skyโ€™s the limit.

https://goldenageofgaia.com/2020/08/20/out-of-jail-at-last/
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