The Work Feelings like Humiliation Do – Steve Beckow

Multi-Merkaba & Flower of Life Art

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The Work Feelings like Humiliation Do

September 15, 2020 by Steve Beckow

It seems that sometimes our experiences are more clearly understood with the passage of time.

The clearing of my “humiliation thread” or vasana (core issue) was super-painful. But more about it is becoming available several days later.

I now find that even the smallest infraction of the rules brings with it an experience of humiliation. Or maybe I’m more sensitive now than before. Whatever the case, the increase in the experience of humiliation when I break the rules was not something I’d have predicted earlier.

But it makes sense. If we’re going to handle large sums of money after the Reval on behalf of the people of Earth, I believe we’re going to need to be squeaky clean.

Today I violated the Covid rules of my neighborhood coffee shop in a very minor way – and was upbraided for it. I have a medical reason for the transgression and I’ll sort it out with the manager tomorrow.

But even that small transgression was enough to have me feel humiliated. At the same time, however, what I discovered as the “work” of humiliation was very educational.

I sat and sat with the feeling, gradually sorting out what I should have done (asked for permission beforehand) and what that says about my barge-ahead manner. How little that is going to work in the years ahead! So the incident was instructive from that angle.

I saw that even that minor an infraction was no longer OK with my inner guide. I either follow the (moral, ethical, and sound) rules or I don’t. Where I’ll be going, I’ll need to be reliable for following the (moral, ethical, and sound) rules, period, full stop. So, again, instructive.

And, yes, I know about fascism and dictatorship and the manipulation of the masses … I guess a little like what the deep state is attempting today. I’ve left several gurus who were guilty of misrepresentation and worse.

But I also feel certain that no bad can come from serving the Divine Mother.

Except I do need to serve her. If I don’t, in my case, I feel humiliated.

Put another way, I’m becoming aware of just how vigilant I’m going to need to be about my integrity. I thought I was before, but, if I don’t want to go through some hard bumps (humiliation) later, I’d better increase that vigilance.

I feel much clearer about things at this stage of our Ascension process. My memory is terrible but I feel clearer on what I need to do and what not.

I can’t say that I’m doing all that well in all my personal dealings. I’m inconsistent and, again, that’s not a good trait for the work I’ll be doing.

There will eventually be an elevation where everything will fall into place automatically; I know because I’ve spent time in that setting. When we’re safely in the Fifth Dimension, the problem will disappear, evaporate, cease to exist. In place of all the worry and concern will be love.

I notice that, when I see that I need to be squeaky clean to do this job, there’s more readiness and willingness on my part to agree and acquiesce these days. I’m not going, “Oh, gosh, heaven’s no. What did I get myself into?”

The agreement is much readier, smoother, and more genuine. I hope that’s an indication of progress, of energetic or vibrational uplift and shift.

You have to remember that you’re talking to a career complainer, who got attention when he was young by putting a stick in the spokes. No one – least of all me – thought I’d ever grow up.

Meanwhile, I did ask Michael to help me prepare for the Post-Reval work. I guess this is how he’s doing it!

Later that evening….

I notice that I’ve become super-sensitive to humiliation. A jolt of it operates on me similarly to an electric shock.

I also see that I have very thin skin. Not a great combination.

I noticed this evening that the slightest task left undone brought on a jolt of the feeling. It seemed like boot camp from an invisible instructor.

Things that would have been normal for me ten years ago are no longer possible or feasible. I do notice a greater lightness of vibration, mood, attitude, etc., but that’s what’s inviting me to stop doing whatever humiliates me (since in later life I’m now the one doing the humiliating).

I’m being required to look at every area of my life and bring it into integrity if it isn’t already. Or I get an electric shock, so to speak.

At some deep level, I’ve known that a day would come when I’d be required to get conscious. What did Isaiah say?

“Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain.” (Isaiah 40:4.)

Everything hid shall be made known. If this isn’t that day, it’s a dress rehearsal

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Multi-Merkaba & Flower of Life Art

Gratitude to all artists. Any queries or information, please contact me, Shekinah

Grounding is Next as I Prepare – Steve Beckow

sacred-heart-by-katia-honour-male-face (1)

Sacred Heart ~ Artist Katia Honour

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Grounding is Next as I Prepare

The Company of Heaven are continually asking us to drop anchor in Gaia, to send an energetic cable down to Gaia’s heart and there fasten it to her – in other words, to ground ourselves.

Viewed from another perspective, I notice in myself that, when I allow my center of gravity to rise up as far as my head, I also observe myself entering the emotional extremes. High center of gravity and extreme emotion seem to go together.

On the other hand, when I deepen my sense of myself, when I lower my center of gravity, when I anchor my sense of myself in my hara or sacral chakra and drop anchor in Gaia, I, the eternal observer, seem to innoculate my everyday self against fear. It distinctly sounds like the peaceful warrior side of me emerging.

Looking back on my life, I believe one of the features of my dissociation (1) was living a lot from this highly-strung side of myself. What made me successful or not was that I excelled in making myself appear right, after the fact.  But it was an act, just to get by, to “pass” when I felt I had no firm sense of myself, no ground to stand on. (2) I don’t think I fooled anyone.

When the various sides of me came back together at age 58, I no longer felt afraid. But my habitual behavior pattern of unreasonable fear, (3) born of the shattering, persisted.

That did not pass away until the heart opening of March 13, 2015. And the Constant Comment born of the original shattering experience (4) did not disappear until Aug. 20th of this year.  That’s my recovery time from character disintegration at an early age due to physical abuse.

Each time something comes back together again, I have to learn how to behave in the new environment I find myself in. Discovering I was dissociated, at age 40; coming back together again at age 58; feeling love for the first time on March 13, 2015 – all of these left me in a new world and required adjustment.

Oh, look. Now I’m smiling at people. Now I’m talking to people. I never did that before.  I wonder what I should say? It’s as basic as that.

If I’m like a balloon, ungrounded and floating along on the breeze, well, I’m of no more use to Michael than if I were off meditating in a cave.

This lifetime is not about me. It’s about the fulfilment of the Mother’s Plan. No one needs to agree with me, but that’s the way I feel it.

Coming from that conviction, I call forth the spiritual adult within and begin to reparent myself.

Grounded is good. Grounded is neither a bad nor a trivial thing. Given that you’ve restored yourself to singularity, the next place to go is grounding. Even before you make new friends in your haste to explore the new territory.

Grounding. Grounding is next.

That feels good. Just by conjuring up an imaginary adult, I’ve pulled myself out of an upset. I’m restored to Self again, restored to normality.

If I’m going to be running a large enterprise, I’m going to need to pull myself out of my own upsets so all technologies are welcome.  The better equipped I am to manage my self, the better prepared I’ll be for the challenges ahead.

Footnotes

(1) I shattered into a million pieces when my Dad yelled at me from inches from my face, at age 7. It took my fifty-one years to come back together again in the white heat of anger, thanks to my therapist brother Paul.

Until then I was the Humpty Dumpty Man.

(2) Having no firm sense of myself, no ground to stand on has always been the primary presenting symptom of my dissociation.  There was no you around to make decisions, defend yourself, etc.

The ironic thing is that I now use creative dissociation – to wit, the use of the Commander, my spiritual-adult side – to heal my upsets.

(3) My wife used to say I had a sacred-wolf look.

(4) Classically, Constant Comment started as a guardian and ended as a guard. It started as an internal conversation which I felt was needed before I made another move because, after the incident, I was so unsure of myself.

I could not feel myself. I could not sense myself. It was as if a nuclear bomb had been set off inside of me, everything else was destroyed, and I alone had survived.  I had no confidence in myself. I had to talk over every move with myself.

Grounding is Next as I Prepare

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Sacred Heart ~ Artist Katia Honour

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Gratitude to all artists. Any queries or information, please contact me, Shekinah