The I of Awareness – Steve Beckow

Divine Love – Indian Artist Dhananjay Mukherjee


The I of Awareness

Several hypotheses and postulates are becoming clearer to me:

(1) Thoughts cause feelings.

(2) Feelings are the prime motivator of human behavior.

(2) Each of us has freewill, which the higher dimensionals respect.

(3) Each of us is 100% responsible for our actions.

(4) That means …

Well, that’s what I wanted to look into today. What are the implications of being 100% responsible for my actions?

It suggests that I need to play a more active role in choosing the mood I want to be in.

I’m not sure if I’m the last person on Earth who knows this or whether what I’m saying is unabashedly new. But I’ve stumbled on the fact that the “I of awareness” plays no role in my everyday life.

My everyday life goes on without any encouragement from me, any guidance, any love. I am not playing an active supporting role in my own life.

And I want to change that. I want to play an important, supporting role in my own life from now on. I want to encourage myself. I want to be my own cheerleader. I want to reparent myself, encourage myself, acknowledge my progress and look at my detours.  I want to play an active role in my own life.

That part of me that feels this way I’m going to call, after Len Satov, the Watcher, the “I/eye of awareness.” It’s the one who always remains as the “I,” no matter what happens outside.

It wants to come out of the shadows and participate.

It’s no accident that this resolve arises a day after writing:

“I’m not a house divided against itself any longer. Given that till age 58 I was, (1) all discoveries in this area are like recovered ground on the road to wholeness.” (1)


(1) “It’s I that Needs to be Universal, Not Love,”


Awareness as a Path – Steve Beckow @ Golden Age of Gaia

Art by Malinda Prud’homme


Awareness as a Path

I said earlier that in recovering a baseline, I often review my stands, path, and other fundamentals.

I’d like to look here at my own love of the awareness path.

My twin flame, Annastara, said:

“One of the things that you do and which you will be doing is looking in the nooks and crannies, into the corners of your being because as you do that you also allow others to.

“There is a curiosity inside of you to examine those quarters that have really gone unexplored, not really because of fear but simply because it wasn’t time.” 

She hit the nail on the head.

Since 1975, when I went on a three-month resident fellowship at Cold Mountain Institute, I’ve followed the awareness path – “looking in the nooks and crannies.”

The nearest Hindu equivalent would be Jnana Yoga. While both aim at Self-Realization, the awareness path tends to be more experientially-based.

This path emphasizes maintaining awareness of one’s self at all times.  But not just awareness of our thoughts; awareness of our feelings as well.

It sees as the panacea for all emotional troubles simple, bare awareness.

One of the tenets of the awareness path is that, as Jesus said, the truth will set us free. Knowing the full truth of who we are – as we all will – will cause us to ascend to the next dimension.

That is, the truth of who we are will set us free from the round of birth and death that transpires in the Third/Fourth Dimension (“physical” and astral planes).

By the same token, the truth of an upset will set us free of the upset. That circumstance is what spurs us on in listening.

We listen until the truth is spoken. We know the truth when we hear it because it sets the person free from the upset. (2)

The litmus test of whether we’re going in the right direction is whether we’re experiencing increasing release. If not, we need to back up and go another route.

The awareness path is about the truth and about freedom from issues and upsets.

Followers of this path tend to enjoy communicating above most other things. They share what’s happening with themselves. They compare notes with others.

If you listen to their conversations, they have an easy intimacy to them, deep sincerity, and love of inquiry about them. I never enjoyed myself as much as when I was in them. My ear pricks up when I hear someone say “I feel….” (3)

Everyone’s share is born equal. Your feeling has no more nor no less weight than my feeling.   “I feel….” = “I feel….”

I practiced Zen for two years and Zen is also an awareness path. The Zen way of life is very sparing so as not to cloud or distract the awareness. I love stillness. I love a meditative walk.

But it has consequences. I’m lost to procedures. I have no interest in rituals or adornments or affirmations or anything extra.

I’m simply interested in who I am in the moment. When I’m in awareness, I love each breath, each view of nature, each vivid color.

What SaLuSa called “soul love” flows freely when I’m in the moment, barely and simply aware. (4)

When love flows, I care for nothing the world has to offer.

I think all paths aim to deepen our experience of love, do they not? Devotion (Bhakti)? Service (Karma)?  Meditation?

All paths lead to love.  All we need to decide is how we want to travel to that sole/soul destination.

I’m returning by constantly and regularly burrowing as deeply into myself in the moment – in awareness – as I can. What am I aware of in this moment? This moment?

That to me is what a three-mile hike is to some people. Or water-skiing. Or deep-sea diving.


(1) Annastara, my twin flame, in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Dec. 9, 2010.

(2) Which provides a useful tool for us. If the speaker is moving in the direction of increasing release, we are going in the right direction. If they are feeling more bound, we’re going in the wrong direction.

(3) What am I saying? I’m fortunate to have these kinds of conversations whenever I want them with my friend Len.

(4) “With your upliftment, what you are discovering is that there is a distinct difference between physical love and soul love. One is for the satisfaction of the physical senses, whilst the other is Universal Love for all life everywhere. On Earth you tend to be led by physical attraction and often take up partnerships without really knowing the person.”  (SaLuSa, Nov. 14, 2012, at


Art by Malinda Prud’homme

Gratitude & Appreciation to all artists
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Reflections on the Awareness Game -Steve Beckow @ Golden Age of Gaia

Artist appreciation


Reflections on the Awareness Game

Light, love, and awareness are names for three divine qualities as we experience them from our vantage point.

Viewed from the One’s natural state, I have no doubt that things appear entirely different. But we’re not there at this moment. We’re here, down in Fourth Dimensionality, where the living is dense. We see Light, feel Love, and are aware.

I was trained in the awareness game at Cold Mountain Institute, on a three-month resident fellowship, and in the est Training.

I found that awareness dissolved unwanted conditions and allowed one to realize the truth. That truth might be the truth of a situation or a deep truth of Self-Realization. Realizations can be minor and major.

I enjoyed the awareness path the most. Others who follow it are Zen practitioners, Vedantists. western neo-advaitins, Enlightenment Intensive participants, etc.

What is the awareness game?

A game is about obtaining something that is felt to be or represented as being more important or valuable than something we already have. In our case, we make it better to be aware than to be unaware, to be more aware than we are rather than to rest in our relative unawareness, etc.

What the primary agreement of those who play the awareness game is is to remain aware, at all times, of ourselves and to be honest in owning or acknowledging what we’re thinking, feeling, and doing.

It doesn’t take long to see that there are levels of awareness, which I’ve written about on other occasions: the intellectual, experiential, and realizational.  The awareness student wishes to be Self-Realized and so pushes awareness up the ladder from ideas to experiences to realizations.

The student of awareness labors to expand their awareness outwards and inwards. Whatever enters their field of awareness is observed. Distinctions become clear from the simple act of observing. The awareness student doesn’t force that process but simply takes what awareness gives them.

The awareness student knows especially the dissolving power of awareness. Paint one’s issues with it (that is, bestow one’s aware attention on it), allow awareness to do its dissolving work, and the issues disappear. (They may return but they disappear in the moment.)

As all one’s issues settle down, the need to be vigilant, to defend one’s self, to have a comeback, a strategy, or a winning number disappear.  The ego finds less and less work and may be found nodding off in the corner for lack of tasks to accomplish.

Finally our awareness becomes like a monk in deep meditation – one-pointed, totally open, and receptive.

Awareness has its tools. Here are two.

I use my in-breath to tell me how I’m doing. If my breath is easy, I’m happy. If my breath is labored, I have issues that I haven’t cleared.

Here’s another tool. I listen to myself for short sentences that are actually commands to myself. If I hear one, I make a note of it and ask the mind where it originated. I raise to awareness everything I can about the command, the vasana it relates to, the decisions I’ve made out of it, etc.

What’s my reward?

I’m experiencing it right now. I just took a breath and a wave of bliss came up from what I believe to be my heart (I don’t actually know. It comes from inside me).

Here I am now, in bliss, and I can tell you, there’s nothing additional I want at this moment. Living life eternally in bliss or love, peace or joy is our destination, is it not? Is that not what Ascension is?

In Worlds Upon Worlds ~ Your Awareness is Now – L’Aura Pleiadian

unknown artist


In Worlds Upon Worlds ~ Your Awareness is Now

The Script of Life ~ is Constantly Rewriting itself.

It Plays ~ YOU.

AS dimensions are experienced in the now ~ in worlds upon worlds.

You Dream it.

The constant ever-expanding awareness adjusts itself to what is ~ now the experience.

There is no time that is not now.

It lives and breathes as the one awareness OF you.

It puts you on alert ~  about what “it is” exactly now. To be.

Whether that is experienced as the now so-called future, or the now so-called past. It makes no difference, because it is now.

It is ~ what it is ~ now.

The present is your “Presence” ~ in and as whatever your experience is.

It is all going on.

Despite a pattern of thought that may question the now experience. With attempts to change things and adjust an experience.

It is simply the now experience of “whatever” your experience is.

No more no less, that too ~ is still now.

As the merge in conscious awareness takes place throughout all dimensions of your Presence, as your essence in the now. You cannot help but notice ~ how it is all going on now.

This freedom of awareness of now ~ frees you up so to speak. In ways that are still the same now.

Yet creates a harmony with whatever it is. Whatever is playing ~ YOU ~ Now, throughout all worlds and experiences.

As in taking in and breathing in ~ ALL of it and what is AS now.

AS in each breath.

You Are.

You coincide with the expanded you of awareness.

That always knows its Presence as NOW.

In the Glory and Light of Now.

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Awareness Only One Tool for Lightworkers – Steve Beckow @ Golden Age of Gaia

unknown artist


Awareness Only One Tool for Lightworkers

Looking back on my life, now, (1) I wondered again and again to myself, as I mentioned the other day, “Is this all? Are you kidding me? There has to be more.”

I said goodbye to wealth, many years ago. And again as recently as about a year ago. I have no real use or desire for wealth. Which could make handling it easier.

How much sex do you need before you’ve had enough? Sex without love is no big deal. (2) This couldn’t be what life is about.

Power over others? Had I not had enough of someone holding power over me? Indeed I had, enough to flush those vasanas out of my mind rather than pass them on.

And flushing them out liberated more personal power, built on rock rather than sand, than what power over others or control would have brought.


I’m a follower of the awareness path, but awareness is only one of the tools I used in this decades-long journey.

I used it because awareness is dissolutive.  If I were to compare it to a detergent, I’d say it’s fast-acting, gobbles up negative emotions, and even lifts hard, baked-on negative thoughts.

Yes, we need to use awareness with neutrality, but awareness itself is anything but neutral.

If we maintain awareness of ourselves, watching each negative thought or emotion, in my view, we’re doing what Plotinus called “polishing the statue.” (3)


Awareness is a wonderful tool. It’s my first tool of choice.

But if we want to uproot a vasana, we need to draw on more of our innate capabilities than just passive awareness. (4)

In uprooting a vasana, a few active steps are also needed before we return to the use of awareness again.

The will needs to be involved, to stop the mind from simply responding in a knee-jerk fashion (5) and blaming people around us for how we feel (“You made me mad”). (6)

We need to restrain ourselves out of courtesy (I hear one of my ex-partners laughing loudly; he’s writing this?) but also because the nature of vasanas is such that the cause of our upset is usually not the person standing in front of us. So we’re never going to get to the bottom of the matter arguing with present company.

The mind as emotional register needs to be involved, to name the feeling.

The files in our memory are arranged according to feelings.  Once we’ve identified the feeling, we need to involve the mind as memory, to cast up a picture of the original incident. Who is the upset really associated with?


Once we have this information, which we can only get when the vasana has become active (has erupted), we have what we need to process the vasana.

Now, we as the witness need to experience the original incident through to completion, without reactivity, deflection, turning aside, self-serving minimization, etc.

We need to remain neutral and balanced in the face of what we see, hear, and feel during this phase.

This is the return to awareness.  We’ve come full circle. Now that we’ve used our other capabilities to get at the heart of the matter, we use our awareness to dissolve it.

We simply rest again in bare, dissolutive awareness, which will ultimately dissolve trigger, issue, sorrow, and the rest.

Their confidence in awareness’ power to dissolve is why I think some sages say, “This too shall pass.”

There’s nothing hid that shall not be known, Jesus said. It seems to me that anything that impedes our easy Ascension passage is being raised to our awareness to be “known.”

We can do the job now, before the energies oblige us to, by regularly sweeping our field with our awareness and looking for any remaining triggers. If we find any, we process them. If not, we move on.

At first I took up this practice because I felt I had to. But now I love it. Maybe almost as much as writing.


(1) Why anyone in their right mind would want to do that, I don’t know. Only to complete.

(2) Sex with love is a very big deal.

(3) Our character was the statue that Plotinus polished.

(4) If we were seeking enlightenment, passive awareness would be an ample tool unto itself. But lightworkers, as I see the picture, are (1) already enlightened, ascended masters (embodied), mostly angels, and (2) are mostly here to serve Gaia and her people; much fewer of them are here to seek enlightenment. Some among us are meant to serve in the area of enlightenment.  But I believe most lightworkers are meant to follow the pattern of the bodhisattva, who put aside the idea of enlightenment to serve.

(5) Conditioned behavior.

(6) No one makes us mad but ourselves. The means by which we do that is our vasanas or core issues, with their triggers and booby traps. They result in conditioned behavior, designed to keep us safe from a traumatizing recurrence.

Moreover, to say that someone else caused us to feel the way we do is to take a victim position and is not inherently powerful because it isn’t inherently true. Taking personal responsibility for one’s upsets is both  powerful and true.


unknown artist

The Process of Dawning Awareness – Steve Beckow @ Golden Age of Gaia


Painting : Shakti – by Kimberly Webber @ Fine Art America


The Process of Dawning Awareness

On Sept. 23, 2016, Archangel Michael and I had the following exchange in a reading through Linda Dillon:Steve Beckow: Lord, what is the difference between consciousness and love? None right?

Archangel Michael: None. You are correct.

Steve: How are we going to get our heads around this Lord…hearts … or anything else? How are we going to understand these things? They are so much higher than we can get our heads around.

AAM: It is not something … there has been this slow dawning and that has been underway for some time. You’ve had this experience. There is this slow dawning so that expansion, expansion, expansion, expansion [occurs] and then you reach the point of that expansion – that’s stretching – but then you [become] capable of having that “aha” moment. And that “aha” moment is what many have referred to as “turning on the switch.”

Steve: Yes, realizational knowledge….

AAM: Yes.

Steve: Self-Realization is just a bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger realization but these “aha” moments are still realization.

AAM: That is correct.

Steve: Interesting, the whole thing is so interesting.  (1)

Archangel Michael here describes the process of what I think of as “dawning awareness.” If intense enough, it’s been known to trigger enlightenment.

He chooses to focus on the expansion, expansion, expansion that occurs in the individual until, as he puts it, they are “capable of having that ‘aha’ moment.”  I call that “Aha!” moment “realization” and he calls it “turning on the switch.” Same thing.

I choose not to focus on that aspect of the experience – the expansion – as much as on the levels of knowledge we go through. Someone else might choose to focus on how it feels, etc. We’ll all choose the aspect of such an important topic we want to look at.

Back to me. The levels of knowledge we go through are (A) intellectual, (B) experiential, and (C) realizational. (2)  Let me illustrate it from our exchange above. I can understand at an intellectual level that an “Aha!” moment is just as much a realization as, say, Self-Realization, if lesser in intensity. (3)

But as long as it resides as only intellectual knowledge, its impact on me is superficial; my grasp of it is not deep. There’s little significance brought to my life by “knowing” it. It remains, as I said, “interesting.”

If I can feel that an “Aha!” moment is every bit as much realization as Self-Realization, different only in intensity, that would be more memorable for me. I describe it elsewhere as being “juicier” than merely intellectual knowledge. The experiential level is the first at which I could say I’ve stopped eating the menu and I’m now eating the meal.

If I can realize the commonality of an “Aha!” moment and a moment of Self-Realization, it would likely have the power to knock me off my feet for a period of time and definitely totally reorient my life – as my 1987 vision of a soul’s journey did.


(1) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Sept. 23, 2016.

(2) Folks familiar with Werner Erhard’s levels of certainty (also called dimensions of knowing) from the est Training will recognize my debt to it. My levels of knowledge are the same as Werner’s movement up the ladder of certainty from thoughts to feelings to natural knowing (realization).

(3) Let me use the term “Self-Realization” here to refer to Brahmajnana, God-Realization, Kevalya Nirvikalpa Samadhi, or seventh-chakra enlightenment.



Painting : Shakti – by Kimberly Webber @ Fine Art America

The Process of Dawning Awareness

Sourcing a Vasana with Awareness ~ Steve Beckow @ Golden Age of Gaia



Sourcing a Vasana with Awareness

Posted by Steve Beckow on June 25, 2014 /

I’m feeling driven, lashed by a vasana. And it may be the biggest vasana I’ve come upon yet.

There’s social value in sourcing it publicly. And so I’d like to do that, if you’ll permit me. The exploration is worth it and it’s OK to discuss matters like this!

I’m feeling driven to be at work. And while I don’t dispute the usefulness of that, the fact that I’m “driven” is vexing me. And causing extra work for those around me. I’m creating friction by showing frustration.

And so I ponder what I just said as the first step toward sourcing the vasana. I listen to myself, make an object of awareness of myself.

And I see that my desire to be at work is indeed driven by a vasana I’d call “total frustration.” I feel totally frustrated. I feel thwarted intention, failed expectation, undelivered communications everywhere, in the very large, external world. Not on a personal basis. It isn’t associated with any individual person. If it were, it’d be easier to handle. No, it’s the entire scene.

Nowhere do I see unmistakeable proof that anything of totally-major significance has happened. Not enough credible evidence exists that I would close the book on any major issue or event. Everything still seems open to me. Maybe I’m missing something.

The frustration I feel at the lack of closure in the scene we all watch is affecting every area of my life. I can’t ignore it. And others can’t ignore it … or ignore me. (Nor should they need to.)

It has command value over me. I’m completely captured by this vasana. Of course it doesn’t. But this is the emotional truth for me.

It must have some deeply-buried significance.

As the second step in sourcing the vasana, I ask my mind to throw up to my awareness any earlier, similar incidents associated with frustration.

Well, I come up against a wall of them. I’m completely overwhelmed by the merest contact with the wall of emotion that arises.

I seem to have felt frustrated in one area of my life after another so often that I may as well have a Ph.D. in the area.

Family that squabbled endlessly. People around me who squabbled endlessly. I squabbled endlessly.

No Ph.D., no satisfaction with any job, never completely satisfied, incomplete, frustrated. You don’t want to hear the story. Gawd, I became a twisted mister over frustration.

I know only too well that resolution of the vasana cannot rest with circumstances outside of me. They have to rest with circumstances inside of me. A vasana is personal. You don’t pass it on in your genes. I created the vasana. And only I can undo it, complete it, or source it, depending on what it requires.

So I look at the degree and amount of frustration in my life and I see it as a constant theme. Always frustrated, always frustrated. And so I ask myself: what is it that I seek?

And what I seek is resolution. Completion. Case closure. I want to be done with unresolved issues, circular arguments, and any other breach of the peace, basically. And I’m the worst offender. Judge Dredd in the area.

I have now gone round the loop once. Told the complete story. I now take a second and deeper cut at it.

And I see again, but at a deeper, more experienced level, that resolution was so lacking in my family of origin that I’m certifiably crazy in the area. It isn’t like a behaviour pattern. It’s like a full-scale tidal wave. I go crazy with too much irresolution. I can’t stand squabbling. I go nuts with things that are incomplete. This is my Achilles heel. So I now get the matter deeper.

And, hitting that level of understanding, a tremendous wall of feeling now erupts. I take time to experience it. Full surrender.

After experiencing as much of it as I could, I use degree of release to measure my progress. If I’ve stumbled onto the truth, the truth will set me free. I should feel some measure of relief from all this understanding and experiencing. If I don’t, then whatever I was thinking or experiencing, my interpretation was not the truth. I need to try again.

I do feel a small measure of release from seeing this much, not enough to satisfy me. So I press on. I ask myself again: Where is there intolerable irresolution in my life?

It’s all in the global arena. I haven’t seen such stark evidence before me that I would say case closed on anything of truly-major significance: Disclosure, the Reval, Ascension, anything.

For a person with my background, staring that realization in the face is enough to drive me crazy. Based on my family history, I go crazy around irresolution faster than most people and swing further out with it. The wall of emotion that hits me when I feel frustrated sweeps me off my feet.

I hate irresolution and, in the face of it, I want closure. If the unresolution increases, I go crazy after a while. That’s my modus operandi. That’s how the twig was bent and the tree inclined. That’s the self-chosen impact of the vasana on me.

This is not the kind of vasana that hinges on a single event or a single issue. It results from the repeated experience of frustration and irresolution. I don’t handle frustration well.

The exploration so far rings true and brings about fifty percent release. So I got a good chunk of the vasana to this point.

I need to monitor myself completely, such is the power of this vasana to sweep me away.

This is it’s profile. And my understanding combined with experiencing a minute part of the wall of emotion, does cause the vasana to lift a significant amount, still more to go.

Lessons Learned

I don’t think there’s gonna be a quick resolution to many of the events facing the world. Not as quick as we’d like. That’s what my intuition tells me. These are global events. Their significance goes well past the galaxy. And much more free will than I imagined is being allowed. I must live with uncertainty and unresolution.

Considering this, I conclude that my vasana no longer serves me. It no longer works for me to be a mere effect of my frustration. It doesn’t work for those around me either.

I no longer embrace this vasana. I want my life back.

This vasana was “worked” using the intelligence of the mind. Most vasanas are sourced by experiencing the resisted feelings to completion. But mine felt too large for that.

And this is what it took to source it. There was not a straight line through it. I had to ask myself questions repeatedly to prompt the mind, or other source, to throw up the answers. And then what was seen had to be experienced, if even incompletely. Then the cycle had to be repeated and repeated until I got to the bottom of it.

And now comes the feeling of completion and a felt need to rest.