This is a bit of a test. . . to see if I’ve got the ability to write. Because I haven’t been adept enough to put what I’ve been feeling or experiencing into words for several months now. I don’t ever remember a time in my life in which I haven’t been able to write. It’s always been such an integral part of me that I always have a piece of paper and a pen tucked away in my pocket, purse, or luggage. I’ve been known to write on the edge of a grocery receipt, restaurant napkin, or a bar coaster if nothing else has been available. Because I’ve always needed to write.
So what happens when the words have seemingly disappeared? What happens when I boot up my computer with a blank screen all primed to record last night’s dream, but there are no words? Or I desire to write a poem that has no flow to it anymore?
This is what happens . . .
I sit and stare into the forest, allowing my feelings to stream through me without interruption. All the while my mind is searching for words like that dreaded little rainbow ball that spins on my Mac when it’s searching for something without results.
There’s often a pull to “do” something, but nothing satisfying comes to mind. I have no interest in any of the things that used to make my heart sing. It’s as if my persona and its old program has been wiped clean with nothing remaining. It’s as if I have died and I’m hovering on the other side of the veil awaiting a new lifetime. All the while I can feel a stream of past experiences being distilled into wisdom, a wisdom that’s beyond words.
And so, I continue to forest gaze while settled into my comfy rocking chair, allowing nature to soothe my mind with the progression of the seasons. I observe as the leaves change color, fluttering to the ground leaving the trunks and branches naked and bare, just as I’m experiencing.
My sleep has been deeper than usual with little if any memory of dreamtime. That in itself is very unusual for me because I’ve always been a very avid and lucid dreamer. For many years, I’ve gone beyond interpreting dreams, to consciously interacting with them. Over the past few months, the few dreams I have been able to recall have all had the same theme. I’m walking away from groups of people, or bits and pieces of my old life, into an abyss of the unknown.
And then something shifted. . .
A sense of freedom, lightness, and joy began bubbling up from within me. Everything that’s happening around me has become irrelevant. I sense I’m observing it from the other side of the veil, but no longer engaged with it. I’m aware that people are each on their own soul path going about their own business without any relevance to me.
As disconcerting as this has been, I now realize it’s all part of the divine plan. Being free of words has allowed me to drift away from the collective consciousness, out of linear time into a new quantum reality. Over the past few months, I have come to realize how confining words can be because each word tends to either judge or freeze frame a particular perspective. In the past, I would often journal my way out of difficult situations via discussions with the Wisdom of my Inner Voice. But even that voice went quiet, leaving me fluctuating between my mind’s unrest and the sublime stillness that awaits us beyond the chatter of the mind.
Within this stillness, I’ve begun experiencing a new sense of communication that’s slowly revealing itself to me. It’s a more comprehensive sense, free of any need or desire for understanding or explanation.
Nothing that exists in this moment need have any relevance to the next moment as it did in linear time. Instead my current vibration draws all the potentials that await me, irrelevant of what I’ve experienced in the past. And when my vibration changes, which is quite frequent due to my multi-dimensionality, that which is no longer relevant simply dissolves of its own accord.
As a result, life has become a constant symphony of new awareness with energy in service to me. Rather than my having to expend my own energy and my own words in which to create. I am simply the vehicle through which energy flows, no longer the manipulator of stored energy, having to weigh it all out in order to preserve enough to survive. No longer in need of words to capture the moment, or discern the meaning of life. Simply allowing the song of my soul to create anew in every moment.
So, it appears, I have passed the test. Words are flowing once again. Only it feels as though they are flowing from a different source, no longer streaming from the antiquated program of the human mind. These words are deeper, experiential, and carry the wisdom of my soul.
Will they continue to flow as they have in these past few moments?
Perhaps so, or perhaps not. For nothing that exists in this moment need have any relevance to the next moment. This is the freedom, lightness, and pure sublime joy we are beginning to experience as our new way of being. I sense there will be plenty of forest gazing intermingled with symphonies of words that present themselves as a constantly evolving song of my soul.
~Sharon Lyn Shepard~
“Wisdom of the Inner Voice”
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